So I guess I just need to rant for a few minutes cuz I’m kind of in a bind and I have no idea wtf to do…. Maybe if I write it all out on here something will show itself to me. If not then, well…. So Logan is coming to Connecticut. Like he’s been on a bus all day. Mom said he could stay here for a little bit til we figured something out. But now my dad said no. I’m praying to fuck that she can convince him to change his mind. (After all he came here from Florida 30 years ago in basically the same situation.) If she can’t change his mind then idk what we’re going to do. I’ll have to try and find somewhere for us to go. Hey, anyone want a couple of couch surfers for a few days? lol. But no. Seriously. I’m going back to work soon. Probably on the 14th. Once I start getting my paychecks I’ll be good. Not to mention the back pay I’m going to be getting for the end of last year. But shit was supposed to be good. Like Friday I wanted to go fill out some paperwork that I’m going to need in order to return to work. If I’m not home then idk how the fuck I’m supposed to get there…. I guess I’m going to have to start cashing in some favors or writing some IOUs. Maybe one of the many people who watch out for me can be of help. I’ll just owe someone an arm and a leg of my first born.
See, I wasn’t lying before when I said that I’m always getting the short end of the fuckin stick. (Then again I seem to always be the one stepping in shit.)
Well, so far this hasn’t given me an epiphany of any kind. I would ask God to give me a sign but I did that the other day and not even 2 hours later he was sending me in a totally different direction than I had wanted. Basically, I’m scared of him right now so I’m just going to hide and stay off his radar for a while….
I haven’t told Logan yet either. I don’t want to stress him out for the rest of his trip here. Plus I’m kind of counting on mom being able to do something about it when she gets home tonight….
I can’t keep getting fucked in life all the time. Something has to come up positive for me. I’m WAY past due for good karma. And this time I’m actually trying to do the right thing. And I’m trying to act like the grown up that I’m supposed to be. I’m making plans. Serious plans. I guess I better cross my fingers pretty fuckin hard. At this point in time I have no fuckin clue what else I can do. I open to advice and suggestions. I’ll gladly take anything that ya’ll got to give me….
Other than that whole fuckin fiasco I’ve had an ok day. I did some things to keep myself positive. And I wrote positive affirmations on sticky notes and stuck them to the mirrors…. I gotta work on doing some cleaning now. Although I don’t know why because we’re not going to be staying here (omg Mom, please fix this!) Then again, maybe if I do some of the shit that I should be doing anyways it will look good for me and help mom make my case…. (Is that a revelation? Maybe this is helping? A little bit anyways?) Idk. I have a few things I wanted to do. And get some more shit onto my iPod. Maybe I’ll write some more later. I’m sure I’ll need to at some point for the sake of my sanity alone….
sparklesinwonderland 